Disgruntled Pineapples Can Cut Deeper Than Words
by Mikaylah
Summary: Something happened to Shawn when he travelled around the country, but he never told anyone. Now he fell of the grid for nearly 3 days and when he comes back, he has bruises and hates pineapple. And on top of that, he's not talking. It's up to the Head Detective to find out what happened. But some secrets are too painful to be unfold and some enemies too cruel to leave the man alone
1. Bizzon Man or Bison Man?

_**This story will be Shawn-centric. And when I say it, I mean it. Gang will be complete, but I will focus on Shawn, his thoughts, his feelings. It takes place somewhere in the first half of the season 5, so Shawn is not in any established relationship. So definitely no Shules. I'm evil. I like hurting Shawn. I don't like romance. Romance has no place in this story, just friendship. Consider yourself warned.**_

* * *

**Friday 7****th**

_Not again. Please, not again. _He felt the grip and he felt the touch, touch that couldn't be mistaken for anything else. It was touch from his nightmares, touch from his past, touch he couldn't feel again. It wasn't possible, because _He _couldn't be back, all that was in the past, past that is locked away behind the massive metal fire-water-sound-and-most-definitely-bullet-proof doors. And yet he felt it. And it felt all the same. The terror and paralyzing fear fought to overcome him, but he couldn't give up. Because _that _couldn't happen again. He _won't_ let it happen again. So he fought, but the grip on his neck only tightened, accompanied with satisfied chuckle from his assailant. His carotides were mercilessly compressed and his brain was shutting down from the lack of oxygen. He knew he had only few seconds left, so he made one last attempt. With all his power he had left he kicked behind him. To his surprise, his guess where His leg would be was right. Even if he didn't feel that he hit the bone, the cry of pain was unmistakable. And the fact that the grip was loosened up told him he kicked Him really hard. He took advantage of His pain and slipped out of the hold. Once he was free, he stumbled, but he managed to regain balance. He didn't look back and ran, blindly and desperately hoping that for once the same idiot who arranged his past kidnappings, tortures and gunshot wounds was on the vacation. But his hopes didn't last long. As soon as he turned around the corner he was met with malicious blow to his stomach. He groaned and felt to his knees. The pain was so excruaciating that for a moment he thought he just met Bizarro Iron Man. Not Superman. Because it definitely felt like he was hit with solid metal. So it could be dude in metal suit. Maybe a truck. Or armoured tank. He was hit again, this time in his side, and he fell to the ground. _Yep. Definitely tank._ Yes, he knew it was nonsense. That it couldn't be tank. Or truck. It could still be Biz.. _wait, that's too long. _Bizzon Man. _Okay, that didn't come out like I expected. _But maybe it was bison. He imagined that being hit by bison must be similar to being hit by tank. So it was valid option. Either Bizzon Man. Or Bison Man. What a wonderful choice. Could be only one of them. And the other one could come along and pick a fight with the first. That would be so epic.. they would even make another shitty movie out of it. Or maybe he himself is Bison Man. And all he needs to do is find his source of power within the very core of his heart and then he would kick his ass.

But then again, it could be neither and he was just trying to escape reality where he was currently beaten – probably to death – with metal _something_. And once that thought ran through his mind his fantasies disappeared. _Damn it. _His mind was his biggest enemy, really. Although he _could_ escape from reality, locking himself in his mind, it never did last for long. And when he returned to the cruel real world, it was _always _worse than before he zoned out. So there he was, laying on the ground barely consciousness, but unfortunately very well aware of what was happening. Beating stopped, but that didn't make him feel better. He knew what was coming and he would rather take far worse beatings every day, thank you very much, than _that_. But he hoped. Of course he still hoped. Where's life there's hope, right? Doesn't matter that when he last hoped – not even five minutes ago – it ended up with him being beaten up. Maybe this time it will work. Or it will be worse. You would've thought it can't be possibly worse, right? But that's naive thinking. In exactly five seconds after you thought „this can't be worse" the shit will become bigger, gooey... ier, stinkier and it will most definitely hit the big fat ass fan. And while this thought was attacking his mind he still hoped that it will get better. It never did – but who knows?

Suddenly there was boot on his head and he began to slip into darkness. It looked like that _idiot _really didn't like him. If this was movie, he would've killed that sadistic crazy-ass screenwriter. _No. I'd send Lassie. Yeah. Lassie would kick his ass. _And now he was thinking about Lassie. He was seconds from being uncosciousness and he was thinking about Lassiter. What was that whole thing about 'can't be worse'? Because it won't be long and he really will think it.

He rolled to his back and opened his eyes to look at the night sky. Shiny white dots on dark background. Could be beautiful. Hell, would be beautiful. If he was here with Jules. Yeah that'd be nice. Jules, stars and smoothie. He would've settled just with smoothie. Yes, Jules is always better, but he could make it work without her. Just no pain. He didn't ask much, right? But as his assailant leaned over to look at him, he saw his devious smile and knew – he obviously did.

**Monday 10****th**

_I can do it. Nobody will ever know. _Shawn was deep in thought as he was going to Psych office. Gus was gone for the weekend – _fortunately –_ but now he had to meet with him. Nothing difficult, right? He just had to act like nothing happened. _It didn't happen. It didn't. _Maybe if he will think that enough times, it will become truth. Something like that _Secret _thing.

Shawn took a deep breath and entered the office. He saw Gus look up and open his mouth and... nothing. He was just frozen.

„Dude, are we in _The Girl and the Gold Watch? _I really don't wanna be Robert Hays. I saw his photo in hawaiian shirt and it was like bald-free version of my dad. Really terrifying."

Gus for a moment forgot why he was so stunned and it looked like he was trying to picture aged Henry Spencer with hair.

„That movie is called _The Girl, the Gold Watch and Everything_. But if you don't want to be Robert Hays, I will. I would be hanging out with Pam Dawber, afterall."

„I changed my mind. I'll be Robert Hays."

„You can't, Shawn. Robert Hays is already me."

„You can't be Robert Hays, Gus. You don't have millionaire uncles or gold watch."

„Neither do you!"

„I don't need millionaire relatives to get the watch. Two words, Gus – Uncle Jack."

„Fine."

Gus gave up, which meant he'll soon remember why was he so surprised when he saw Shawn. But Shawn was ready for that. More or less. And true enough, Gus's eyes widened and looking at the bruise on his temple and black eye he exclaimed: „What happened to you?!"

„I think I met Bizzon Man."

„Bison Man?"

„Or him. I definitely ruled out cars, trucks, trains, planes and tanks or another armoured vehicles."

„What? You're not making any sense, Shawn. Where did you get those bruises?"

„Like I said. Bizzon Man."

„You're saying Bison Man beaten you up?"

„Not really sure."

„What does that mean?!"

„It could be Bison Man. Or it could be Bizzon man."

„You just said the same thing."

„No, I didn't. Listen to me closely - It was either Bison Man or Bizzon Man."

„You said it again."

„No I didn't."

Gus sighed. „So, Billy Kitson just decided to make punching bag out of you?"

„Don't be choke chain leash on fluffy teddy bear, Gus. Of course not. Billy Kitson was Bison, not Bison Man. Or Bizzon Man for that matter."

„Why do you keep saying that twice?"

„I'm not, Gus. It's completely different. Look," Shawn said and wrote on the glass board 'Bizzon Man' and below 'Bison Man', „completely different."

„What the hell is Bizzon Man?" Gus asked with confused look in his eyes.

„You know, Bizzaro version of Iron Man."

„You know that bizarro is spelled completely different, right?"

„No it's not. You can hear it. Bizzzaro. Like Bizzzare."

„It's bizarre, Shawn."

„Don't be ridiculous." Shawn said with his usual cheer self, but inside he just wanted to go to bed and sleep all day. He hoped that Gus would have to go to work or something soon. _Real soon, please. _But they remained in theirs meaningless discussion almost two hours before Gus left. When he did, Shawn didn't have the energy to go back to his apartment. So he laid on the couch right there. He winced as the pain shot through his body. He was glad Gus wasn't there. He would've find out that bruises on his face are nothing compared to the state of the rest of his body. He didn't believe he could control pain enough for Gus not to notice. So he just had to remain more or less motionless when people were around. Piece of cake. He took a deep breath, but he immediately knew it was a mistake. Pain shot through his body again. _So just shallow breaths. Got it. _He waited until the pain faded and closed his eyes. But once he did, his phone began to ring. He wanted to let it ring like so many times before, but he couldn't. Not anymore.

_'When I call, you pick up.'_

_His _words were so loud in his mind right now and his guts tightened. He felt like his heart moved to his throat. Why was he so afraid? Well, okay, he knew why. But how could he? He was never afraid, not like this. He could always handle the fear. His father's training and his own mind helped him to cope with danger, so he was never crippled by fear. But now? That fear began to overcome him, his hands were shaking and he _couldn't _leave the phone be. If it was Him, he had to pick up. He had to. Shawn was ashamed as he pulled out the phone from his pocket. What would his father think? _That I'm a wuss, that's what. _Another reason why don't tell anyone. If there was anything to say. _Right. Nothing happened. Nothing at all._

„Hello." he answered the phone weakly.

„Mr. Spencer? Are you okay?" _Damn it. Chief. _He definitely can't tell her. Or anyone else on the station for that matter. How could they hire psychic who didn't see coming that he was going to be.. _Damn it. Nothing happened. Nothing! _He took a minute to put up his facade again. Even if nobody could see him, they could still hear him. And he needed to stay cheerful and happy like always.

„Chief! Well of course. I was just in connection with spiritual realm, so I'm little weaken, but I gotta tell you, spirits are upset! I'm sensing that you need my help." If he can keep up this charade, no one will ever know. _It's nothing to know! _He still tried to convince himself but it didn't help. Not at all.

„In fact I do. We have a crime scene and it's a little.. strange." Shawn sat up. _Strange_. He loved strange crime scenes. It didn't matter that he was afraid of every shadow right now, he just had to be there. Maybe work is what he needs. Maybe work will help him convince himself that nothing happened. And if he can convince himself that nothing happened, maybe he won't be so afraid anymore.

He took his bike to the crime scene. It was sunny, so he could wear sunglasses and nobody would raise an eyebrow. One of the perks of living in California. When he got off the bike he saw Lassiter behind yellow tape talking to young uniform Shawn didn't really know. They were outside of what appeared to be really boring house. Lassiter just shot him angry look. Or was it hate? Disgust? Could he sense what he let happen to him? _So Lassie is psychic now. _His mind was driving him crazy. It was like he had two personalities constantly fighting for domination. And he just couldn't stop think.

On his way to the house he looked around and saw small girl eating pineapple stick. He instantly fell like he was going to throw up. Girl took another bite and true enough, he fell down on his knees and entire contents of his stomach was on the ground. _Oups. Lassie will be pissed. _

„Spencer! Did you just contaminate my crime scene?" Shawn didn't know how he did it, but Lassiter was behind him in the matter of second with furious look on his face. Shawn tried to compose himself, so he could answer him, but no such luck. He still didn't feel right. The fact that he still saw pineapple in his mind as well as in front of his eyes didn't help. Who would've thought that digested pineapple looks that.. _yeck_. Shawn stood up and saw that Lassiter's expression somehow softened and changed. He looked almost concerned now. _Right, I didn't answer him. What did he say again?_

„What's up with you?" Lassiter asked with raised eyebrows.

„I hate pineapples." Shawn said pointing at the girl with pineapple stick.

„Since when?"

_Since I was.. Yeah, right, that would go well._

Lassiter now eyed him suspiciously. When he saw that he was trying to face him with just one side of his face, his eyes narrowed. _And now he will grab me to force me to face him. _Shawn rather avoided all that grabbing and turned to him all the way.

„Where did you get this?" Lassiter asked pointing at his temple.

„From Bizzon Man."

„You think I'm an idiot?"

„If you can handle it, I'll tell you."

„Tell me what happened."

„Okay, I'll tell you."

„Well?" Lassiter encouraged him as well as he could. Which wasn't really much.

„I do think you're an idiot."

„Spencer!" Lassiter had the same furious look in his eyes as before. Actually Shawn liked angry Lassiter better. It wasn't so confusing as caring Lassiter.

„Fine!" Shawn said and saw Lassiter calm down. „On Saturday I met a horde of disgruntled pineapples. They're saying that words cut deeper than knife. But let me tell you, that's nothing compared to disgruntled pineapples. Yellow, sweet like any other pineapples but with a taste of betrayal. I should've threw them out, but I couldn't. How could you let so sweet fruit go to waste?"

„Are you saying you ate too much pineapple?"

Shawn grinned and this time he didn't have to pretend. Lassiter took his bait as intended. Funny thing was that he even didn't lie so much. In fact, he was very close to the truth, just like with Bizzon Man. And maybe that's why everybody thought it was bullshit. Lassiter just rolled his eyes – as expected – and Shawn began to walk to the house again. But he didn't get very far. Not that he needed to get far, it was just few yards. But he made just two steps, when Lassiter's voice stopped him in his tracks.

„Where do you think you're going? We're not finished." he said and came to him, grabbing his upper arm. Then happened something Shawn was afraid of. He flinched and began to slightly shake. Panicked, he looked around if anybody else saw it. But fortunately everybody kept their distance from them. Nobody even looked at them. _Yeah, genius, you just threw up. _Lassiter noticed his distress and let the hand go. Shawn sighed with relief and stopped shaking.

„Shawn. Tell me what happened." Lassiter said gently. That soft tone accompanied with usage of his first name made him sick. Because Lassiter wasn't supposed to be nice. Lassiter wasn't supposed to be caring. It was all wrong. He hated it. He couldn't stand it.

„Just leave me alone, Lassiter!" Shawn snapped and before anyone could stop him again, he ran into the house. He knew immediately that this was mistake. That he shouldn't have lost control. Now Lassiter won't stop until he finds out the truth. But that wasn't the worst. He ran without thinking about his injuries, so now he was standing inside the house with pain spreading through his entire body. And he needed to get himself together in the matter of seconds, before somebody notices his painful posture. _Come on. Just shallow breaths. It will pass. _He tried to hold on hoping that pain will fade soon. Very soon. But that _sadistic idiot _just didn't like him. The pain wasn't fading, in fact it was increasing. Eventually he couldn't take it anymore. He cried out in pain and fell to the ground. He was still consciousness, just overpowered by pain. _Why does it hurt so much? _He saw Chief and Jules running to him with concern, he heard Caring Lassie shout out for an ambulance. He knew all that was happening. And when the paramedics asked him what happened, the only thing he could do so he wouldn't break down was to stick to his story. He said: „Bizzon Man." with charming smile on his face. And he knew they thought he was delirious, but it didn't really matter if they believed him or not. All that mattered was to stay awake. Because uncosciousness he won't be able to decide for himself. And then someone else could demand the test. And Shawn wasn't sure if he could deal with the result. Because then he wouldn't be able to pretend like nothing happened. He wouldn't be able to convince himself that nothing happened. And the others would be giving him looks full of pity and disgust for the rest of his life. And Shawn really didn't know if he would be able to live with that.


	2. Of Bunnies and Pineapples

_**WARNINGS: Mentions of rape and cute bunnies with guns.**_

_Also, we're staying in Shawn's head. That should be warning enough._

* * *

Bunny. White bunny. White bunny with... _What? That doesn't even make sense. _Why was he seeing snow white bunny holding a gun? Not that he never saw bunny with a gun. He himself was fighting with Devan Shell numerous times. But that was him starring as Jazz. Hero of the Carrotus, green to his core. But this bunny? He wasn't Jazz. He was white. Amazingly white. Ridiculously white. Innocent cute little ball of white fur. And yet he had a gun. That just wasn't right. Was he dreaming? But why was he dreaming about bunny with a gun? Didn't make sense. Now, if he had a watch it would be a completely different situation. Just add one more rabbit hole to the picture and he would have so much fun.

But he didn't have a watch. And on top of that, he wasn't paying any attention to him. There was cute bunny, cute bunny with a gun and that bunny ignored him. _Definitely not Jazz. Blues maybe? _Maybe he finally had a name for him, so he won't have to call him 'bunny' again, but that didn't make him feel better. Because this was just strange. Why would that pure innocence had a gun anyway? He couldn't get his head around it.

Blues suddenly raised his gun and pointed it towards the two new figures. One was reminding him cow, but he was still little different. Buffalo? Bison? That was it! Even if he didn't know what difference exactly was between those two, bison felt right. But why? Bison. He had to hear it somewhere. _Billy? _No, that was not it. He knew he should know the answer, but he just couldn't grasp it. Not that it really mattered anyway. He looked at the other figure. Legs, arms, suit. Completely human. Except.. _Is that pineapple? _Right there, where his head was supposed to be, there was pineapple. White rabbit Blues, Bison and Pineapple Head. This was getting weird.

Pineapple Head smiled and said something. Why couldn't he understand what he said? Had to be important. Because Blues definitely understood. He saw him lower his gun. Why? Why would he do that? _Why?_And then, he just left. And Bison left with him, hoof on Blues's shoulder. And he was here alone with Pineapple Head. He didn't want to be alone with him. _But why? _Had to be a reason, right? Maybe because he just looked creepy. Now he wished he had a gun too. _Wait a minute. _He raised his hand and saw that he does have a gun. But that was not all. He saw he was green and all.. furry? And did he have rabbit ears? What did he say about weird?

_'Kneel for me.'_

_Now _he could understand him. Just when he says something creepy. He raised his gun and.. nothing. He couldn't do anything. Why? Why couldn't he pull the trigger? He knew he didn't want to be close to Pineapple Head and yet he couldn't do anything. Why? Why did he just stand there? _Why? _He lowered his weapon. What is he doing? _Maybe it won't hurt. It won't hurt if I listen. _And now he was on his knees. Why was he on his knees? _Right. Won't hurt. _He looked up to Pineapple's face and saw his smile. That smile. That sadistic joy. And he knew it would hurt. And he couldn't do anything to stop it. Because he was too weak. _Too weak. _But before anything could happen, there was bright light trying to burn his eyes out. He was blind for a moment and when he saw again, everything changed. There were no bunnies, no pineapples and no bisons. And he wasn't green and furry anymore. With rabbit ears. He wasn't bunny anymore. _That's supposed to be weird? Of course I'm not bunny! _He focused his eyes and noticed he was inside. Inside of what? And he was lying. Lying and moving. Not a bit confusing. _What happened? _He had to think. Inside, lying, moving. And he wasn't alone. He knew that uniform. Paramedic? Inside, lying, moving, paramedic. _Ambulance. _He was in ambulance. Why was he in ambulance? And what was all that deal with bunnies? Was he just reliving his past in the shape of Jazz Jackrabbit? _That's just sick. _His mind is sick. And it's definitely his dad's fault.

He remembered something. _Just shallow breaths. _Problem was, he _couldn't_ take a deep breath even if he wanted to. Definitely not a good sign. _I can't breath. Why can't I breath? _And then he felt the touch. And he began uncontrollably shaking. _Why did they keep touching me? _He hated being touched. But why? _Oh, right. _Definitely not good. They're gonna find out. And they will tell others. Unless.. Yes, he just has to be awake when he gets to the hospital. Then doctors will maybe know, but not the ones he cares about. Not the ones that can never know the truth. _Right, stay awake. _But how? He was so tired. And he couldn't breath. Sleep would be comforting. But he had to stay awake.

„Bison took Blues." he said. It sounded muffled, like under the mask. And he felt he had something on his face. Maybe he had a mask.

„I'm sorry, sir?" one of the paramedics asked and removed the mask.

„Pineapple wanted Jazz." Now the paramedic 1 exchanged look with paramedic 2. _Great. They think I'm crazy. _But it didn't really matter. He needed to stay awake. Maybe they'll just think he has hallucination from the pain or something.

„He's gone now." Shawn said. He just couldn't stop talking. Another exchanged glance was interrupted when the ambulance stopped. _I did it. _There were people around him. People he knew. But he didn't pay attention to them. He waited for a doctor. And there he was. _I need to do it before I pass out._

„Doctor?" he said weakly, still trying to breath.

„Don't try to talk, sir." he said and made a move to get a mask to his face again.

„Wait. I need to.. tell you.. something." Shawn said between shallow breaths and the doctor put the mask down again.

„I don't .. want you.. to discuss.. my.. condition.. with anyone.. but me.." Shawn said heavily and quietly and was hoping that the doctor heard it because he wasn't really capable to repeat it. And he didn't know if there was some acknowledgement from the doctor, because he was slipping into unconsciousness again. He heard some distressed voices, angry voices, confused voices, all from people he knew. But he didn't really know what they were saying. And honestly he didn't care. He accomplished his mission and now he could fell into soothing oblivion.

* * *

_Nothing. _Who would've thought it would be so amazing. Just nothing. No bisons, no bunnies with guns and no pineapples. And definitely no angry voices, no soothing voices, no glaring and no crying. Which is why he wanted back to oblivion. There would be peace. No father, no black friend, no concerned women and definitely no annoying detectives. Not to mention annoying doctors. That doctor was the first reason he missed the nothingness. _Is that a word? _He woke up and the doctor was there, with pitiful look on his face. And he instantly knew that the doctor knows. Even before he said it.

„Mr. Spencer. I'm glad you're awake." he said as he was trying to burn his eyes out of his head again.

„That's my father. Shawn." Shawn said weakly and coughed. It still hurt, but at least he could breath now.

„All right, Shawn. I'm doctor Hays. How are you feeling?" he said and Shawn raised his eyebrows. _Hays, really? _What are the odds, huh?

„Robert?" Shawn said and doctor Hays smiled.

„No, it's David. Now, how are you feeling?"

„Nah, that's boring. I'll just call you Rob." Rob just shook his head and stayed quiet as if he was waiting for something. But for what? Did he ask him something? Apparently he did. But what was it?

„Shawn. How are you feeling?" _Right, that._

„I can breath now. So good, I guess."

„Any pain?"

_Is he serious? _„My whole body hurts, doctor." Shawn said and gave him a glare so he would understand what a stupid question that was.

Rob gave him sympathetic smile and _there it was again –_ pity in his eyes. He wished he would stop with that.

„We will give you pain medication, I just needed to talk to you first." _Great. Just what I need._

„About?" Shawn asked, but he knew what about. About something that didn't happen. Didn't happen at all.

„When you were brought here, you asked me not to disclose your medical condition to anyone else. Is that still your wish?" Okay, he didn't expect that.

„Yes." Shawn said without hesitation. What kind of question was that anyway? _When I say something, I mean it._

„Very well. We're gonna need your signature later. Now I'll just go through your injuries. Your torso is covered in bruises and lacerations. You have numerous broken ribs, one of them punctured your lung. That was the reason you couldn't breath. You had small tearing in your liver, causing internal bleeding. We were able to fix all that. Also we had to stop another bleeding caused by tearing in your.."

„Yeah, I get the idea." Shawn interrupted him. He didn't really want to hear it out loud. Then it would become too much real. And it couldn't be real.

„I would like to perform a rape kit." _And here we go._

„No." Shawn said and gave deathly glare to Rob. What was he thinking? That way, everybody would know what happened.

Rob sighed. „I understand why you don't want me to disclose this to anyone else. And it's your right, really. But it happened. You can't ignore it. You _were _raped, Shawn, and nothing can change that."

When Shawn heard those words again – _raped –_ he flinched and shook his head, as if he could just shake it off and it would disappear.

„Nothing happened." Shawn said, but really, he just tried to convince himself.

„You can't deny it. And I'm sure you know that the evidence must be collected as soon as possible, or the perpetrator will get away with it."

„I don't care." Shawn said, rather harshly. Rob was really annoying. If he keeps talking, he will really piss him off. _What? Nobody pisses me off! _Shawn didn't understand what was happening. He was on the edge. He had a feeling he could punch him. Shawn Spencer, always cheerful fake psychic, punching a good doctor. _What is happening?_

„As you wish. If you need to talk to anybody, we have counselors here." Rob said with the same pity in his eyes.

Shawn just had to laugh. _Talk? _He was supposed to talk about it? Talk about his feelings to a stranger and it would just go away? _Right. _Talking wouldn't make him any less.. _Damn it. _Even in his head he just can't say it.

Rob sighed again. „You don't have to tell the police, but you need to talk to someone. You can't escape from it."

„Just watch me." Shawn said and he really did believe it. With his mind he can do anything, anything he wants. At least that's what his father says. Of course usually it's accompanied with various insults, but who cares? He can do anything, so he can ignore this ever happened. Just like he did in the past. Maybe it will take some time, but he'll do it. He did it when he was away and he can do it again.

„Your family is outside. Can I bring them in?" Rob asked. Obviously he gave up his efforts to get him to talk. It was about time.

„Sure, why not." Shawn said, but he wasn't really prepared to what was about to happen next. Afterall, he forbid Rob to tell his friends and family about his medical condition. And he was bound by doctor-patient confidentiality or something, so without a warrant all he could say was 'He's in surgery.', 'He's stable.' and 'He's awake.'. Oh dear, his father will be pain in the ass. But forget about his father. Gus. Oh my, Gus will be pissed. Gus. And pissed. He's gonna get it so much. _Where is that oblivion again?_


	3. Since when are collies so annoying?

_**To be honest, I'm little confused. Shawn's head is a weird place to be. And imagine poor Shawn! So don't worry if you don't know what exactly is happening. Neither does Shawn. And I'm not sure if I do. Anyway, who said that Shawn's coping mechanism would be simple? Or pleasant. Or would make sense.**_

* * *

It's really amazing what one can see if he's truly looking. When he forgets about all senses but sight. When one doesn't hear, smell, feel or taste anything, he sees incredible things. That's when the truth is suddenly clear – all people have more or less super sight. And that's when one knows – he's basically superhero! Of course, it's not that good if there are people talking to him and they figure out he actually doesn't listen to them. At all. And when that time comes, it's just better if one forgets about the sight as well.

For instance, Shawn just now focused on funny shirt of his father. Actually it should be with capital F. Because he called it Funny shirt. Because this was the only shirt he couldn't figure out. Because until now he had no idea what was that shirt about. But now he knew.

„Swordfish in cuckoo clock!" Shawn exclaimed. He was thrilled that he could give a meaning to the part of the meaningless shirt's design. But it also broke his focus. And nobody told him he should forget about every sense when that happens. So now he saw and heard everything what was happening. Maybe he little smelt and felt it too. Tasted? _How does tension taste? _He had no idea, but it had to be this way. Because there was definitely tension everywhere. And they were staring at him with puzzled looks. He didn't like that. Like they thought he's gone insane. It made him feel that he did goinsane. And maybe he did. What does he know anyway?

And there were people staring at him right now expecting him to.. _what? _Say something? Do something? But what? Definitely not what he was doing right now. What was he doing again? _Right. _Sitting-lying. What's wrong sitting? What's wrong with lying? And what's wrong with both? Shawn had no idea, but from the looks on their faces, it was wrong. And now his father's lips were moving. What was he saying? He could hear everything else just fine, so why couldn't he understand a word he said? _What is happening? _It was like he was here, but not really here. But how could that be? If he zoned out, he should be oblivious to his surroundings. If he was in the reality, he should be able to understand what other people were saying. But this – almost like he wasn't here all the way. Locked in his mind with a glimpse of reality. But that's not possible, is it? It would contradict the whole concept of zoning out if he could see what was happening. It didn't happen to him before, ever. It couldn't happen. And yet he was here, but he wasn't here. And when he looked at his father, he saw it in his face. He wanted something from him. But he had no idea what. And then he saw it, in the corner of the room, there was Blues and Bison. And Bison was kicking Blues. And Blues didn't fight back. Why didn't he fight back? He could fight him. He wasn't that weak. _How do I know he's not weak?_ Nothing of this made any sense. He shouldn't be seeing this. He was awake. All that bunnies were just sick dream. Was this dream too? No, this was not dream. But how did he know this was real? Could he even tell a difference anymore? And now his dad was just in front of him, his lips moving. He wanted something. They all wanted something. And Bison was still kicking Blues. Blues still didn't fight back. Why didn't he fight back? And they still wanted something. He saw his dad raise his hand. _He wouldn't. _Right? He wouldn't hurt him. That was his dad. But that hand was still raising. He wouldn't touch him, would he? But that hand was still closer and it felt like eternity and yet it was merely a second. If he touches him, he'll flinch. He knows he will. He should tell him not to do that. But how would he explain that? And how would he tell him, when he's not all the way here? People were talking, he knew they were – their lips were moving. He didn't understand them either. He was just trapped. Trapped between his two worlds. In one world Blues was being beaten up, in the other his father wanted to touch him. And he realized he wasn't really ready to be in either world. Maybe that was the reason he remained trapped. But why was he trapped in the first place? It happened before Blues showed up. _What is happening? _Yes, he was repeating himself, but seriously – what was happening?!

„I wouldn't do that." Shawn heard. _Wait. _How can he understand? He didn't understand any other voices. And yet this one he did. And when he realized who that voice belongs to, he thought – _Of course I understand this one. _He wouldn't get rid of him, never, not even in the void between worlds. But honestly, he was glad. Because his dad's hand stopped moving. Maybe he wouldn't touch him now. His father was saying something – again – but not to Shawn. He was looking behind him. But Shawn still concentrated on his father's hand, so he didn't really see who he was talking to.

Didn't took long and his father disappeared from Shawn's line of sight to be replaced by an owner of the voice. So now he saw him, Lassie, trusted Head Detective of the SBPD. What did he see in his eyes? Was it slight concern? _Oh no, not Caring Lassie. _He was looking into his eyes and saw how flash of concern was soon exchanged by.. could it be irritation?

„Spencer, I need your statement and I did not come here all the way from the crime scene – important one I might add – only for you to be playing soulless zombie." _Yep, irritation. Thank God. _He had a strange feeling now and when he looked at Blues with Bison, he saw them fade. So that was enough? He just needed Lassie acting like himself? _What?! I don't need Lassie! _But neverthless it was working.

„Snap out of it!" Lassie's voice was firm and it was the last impulse Shawn needed. He blinked few times and the real world was suddenly making sense. There were voices, some of them whispering, some of them shouting, but it wasn't that confusing like just a minute before. And absence of Blues & Bison also helped.

„Lassie!" Shawn said when he composed himself. He looked around and saw the relief in everyone's eyes. But he turned his attention to Lassiter again. „Zombie, really? You've been watching Walking Dead again?"

„He's fine." Lassiter said and went to lean against the wall, his arms crossed and expression unreadable.

„Hey Dad. Gus. Jules. Wait. Where is Jules? She was here when I arrived." Shawn said and was looking around again. Where did she go? She was here. He knew she was. But was she here when he woke up? He had no idea. How so he had no idea? He always knew, because he noticed everything. Did he break his brain or something?

„We still have a case to solve, Spencer." Lassiter hissed. His face was still unreadable. It seemed impossible now, that he could've ever been Caring Lassie. Maybe he was dreaming. And maybe he's dreaming now. _I really can't tell a difference, can I? _It was little unnerving, really.

„And there was really nothing she could do here. Since you forbid your doctors to share any informations with your family." Henry said and pierced his eyes into Shawn's. What did he say about unnerving?

„Or friends." Gus said and his face was unreadable like Lassiter's. _What? _Gus was always readable. Shawn could always say what he was thinking. But now? He came up blank. Now, _this _was unnerving.

„Oh. Right." Shawn said and was feeling nervous. _What? _It's not like he's in the seventh grade! Why is he nervous because his dad stares at him and his friend is unreadable? This required change of topic. On something delicious.

„Gus. Did you bring me jerk chicken?"

„You're after surgery, Shawn. And I'm not talking to you." _Okay, that didn't work._

„Oh." Shawn said and really it was the only thing he could think of.

„Yes. Oh." Henry said looking into Shawn's eyes. _Is he trying to stab me with his eyes or something?_

„Okay, let's hear it." Shawn said and Henry looked confused for a moment. But then he got the idea where was Shawn going.

„I'm not gonna give you a lecture, Shawn." Henry said still looking into his eyes.

„Who are you and what did you do to my father?" Shawn said and suspiciously eyed Henry. He saw the same piercing look. _What is happening? _„Ha! I got it! You're a zygon! We've been invaded by Zygons!"

„I knew I shouldn't let you watch that." Henry said not taking his eyes of him.

„Under that ridiculous shirt and neverending bald you're covered in suckers!" Shawn said in the high pitched voice of girly version of Geico Gecko.

„Or anything british for that matter." Henry said. And he still stared at him. _No, seriously – what is that?_

„That's not possible, Shawn." Gus said. _Not talking, huh?_

„Of course it is! Zygons are virtually irrecognizable from the people but underneath, they're just slimy clods of suckers!"

„No, not that. Everybody knows that in that show England is always invaded first."

„Damn. You're right. I should've paid a better attention. But there were suckers! I think that's a good enough excuse." Shawn said and grinned. He knew Gus wouldn't be able to help himself. He had a compulsive need to correct him. And it felt so good. For a moment, he almost forgot. But of course he didn't. He never forgot, didn't matter how much he was trying. He could never forget. But this way he could at least pretend.

Lassiter coughed. Shawn saw his father turn around. There was some kind of silent conversation between them. Well, as he knew his father, more like silent fight. Which was weird, really. Since when was his father silent? At least he pointed that piercing look towards someone else. But Lassiter didn't look a bit affected by it. And then happened something Shawn didn't expect – his father gave up and left the room along with Gus. Lassiter on the other hand sat down on the chair next to the bed and pull a notepad from his pocket. _Oh, right. He did say statement. _Shawn was already preparing his stock of bullshit and hoped he will irritate the Head Detective so much that he will just leave.

„What happened?" Lassiter asked.

„Today? Let me think it through. First of all, my milk went bad, so I couldn't have Fruit Loops for breakfast. Well, I could, but without milk. But that wasn't an option. Fruit Loops have to be in the milk, because only then there's that delightful taste of the white river full of rainbow sweetness. Then, I went to Mandy's.." Shawn began to rant and noticed how Lassiter's left eye began to twitch. _That'll be fun. _Only talking about food could take hours. Of course he didn't even get past the breakfast and Lassiter interrupted him.

„I don't care about your breakfast. Tell me what happened over the weekend. Apparently, you fell of the grid, you didn't even call Guster." Lassiter said, his eyes pierced into his. Shawn suddenly felt like a suspect in the interrogation room. Maybe he should tell him at least part of the truth without him knowing it was the truth. Suprisingly, truth was the one thing people believed the least.

„Okay, okay. On Saturday I went to storage of tropical fruits. I never saw so many pineapples in one pla.."

„Stop talking about the food." Lassiter said through clenched teeth. Shawn had to smile. Because Lassiter had no idea how much were those pineapples imporant. At least in the matter of what-happened-to-poor-funny-and-slightly-sexy-psychic.

„So no mention of the food? Okay then. In that case, on Friday I met Bizzon/Bison Man.."

„Stop jerking around. Even without information about your medical condition I have pretty good idea what happened to you. But you still need to tell me." _He can't know. _Right? Before Shawn could think about it more, the door opened and Rob came in.

„I'm sorry, but I need to check the patient. Won't be a minute." Rob said and came to Shawn's bed to check his vitals. Lassiter looked deep in thought. He looked to Shawn's eyes, then he looked at the doctor.

„I need you to run a rape kit." Lassiter said pulling out his badge so it would be more visible. Shawn's heart rate immediately elevated. _What did he just say? _How could he know? He couldn't, right? But he said it. _He knows._ Or maybe he just thinks it. Maybe he doesn't know it for sure. Shawn hoped that Rob won't give in under Lassiter's pressure.

„I'm sorry detective, but we cannot perform rape kit without his consent." _Yes! Attaboy!_

„This is police investigation." Lassiter growled, but Rob didn't budge.

„I don't care if it's the matter of national security, we still need his consent."

Lassiter stared at the doctor for a while, but then he turned his attention back to Shawn.

„Spencer, give him consent."

„No." Shawn said, not looking at him. _This is definitely not fun. _

„Spencer." Lassiter said in gentler tone. But if he hoped that would help, he was so wrong. It was just worse. Shawn was becoming irritated again. If he hated something, it was Caring Lassie. It wasn't natural.

„Look Lassie, it's simple logic. I wasn't …" Shawn couldn't say it. Not even when he denied it. He couldn't even think it. And he didn't have to think the word. Because before he could think it, he saw Him again, he felt Him again. And it was so real and Shawn was terrified he would zone out to the other world, because there was Blues and Bison and Pineapple and him as Jazz. He would feel it there too, but in that world he would have to watch how was Blues beaten up. _No. Stay in reality. _It was bad enough when it was only Jazz and Pineapple, he didn't have to watch Blues and Bison too. He took a deep breath. „Therefore, I don't need.. anything like _that, _okay?" Shawn said more harshly than he wanted. He looked around and saw Lassiter glaring at him and.. that was it. Rob wasn't there. _When did he leave? _Lassiter still stared at him. The silence was really awkward, but then he finally talked. „The hell you weren't."

Shawn was just silent. He couldn't think of any snark comments. Not even one. Complete blank. _What the hell? _And Lassiter still stared at him. Eventually, Shawn couldn't stand it.

„What do you want from me, Lassie?" he asked.

„Oh, I don't know. Let's see. What about you start cooperating."

„Or what?" Shawn said, not looking at him.

„Or I'll arrest you for hindering police investigation." Lassiter said and this time, Shawn did look at him. _Arrest me? _

„I'm lying in the hospital bed after I was..", Shawn said and when he saw the sparkles in Lassiter's eyes, he emphasized the next word, „.._attacked_ by Bizzon/Bison Man and you want to arrest me?"

„Absolutely." Lassiter said and Shawn didn't really expect anything else. _Wait. Did he say investigation?_

„Wait a minute. What investigation?" _He did say investigation, right?_

„What do you think, Spencer?" _Apparently, he did._

„You're investigating me?"

„Think about it. You collapsed on the crime scene, covered in bruises, obviously beaten up. Of course there will be an investigation. Now, will you for once act like an adult, so I can find out who did this to you?" Lassiter said. Shawn just smirked and looked away. _Whodunit _wasn't really issue here. He always knew who it was. But there was no arresting him. Last time, he thought He was dead, that was the main reason he could pretend that it didn't happen. He knew He wouldn't come back. But He did come back. There was no escaping Him. If He could escape the death, how could the bars stop Him? Shawn just had to do what He wanted and at least it won't hurt so much.

„You _know_ who it was." Lassiter said and Shawn looked at him, alarmed. _Is he psychic or something? _Okay, maybe Shawn's body language wasn't that unreadable as in the normal day, but this was just ridiculous. Since when was he so observant?

„No, I don't." Shawn said in the last hope of denial. He looked around and saw some gift cards and gift baskets. He decided to go through them.

„Cut the crap! I'm not an idiot."

„That's debatable." Shawn said, reading one gift card after another.

„Spencer.." Lassiter said and Shawn was sure he said something else after that, but he had no idea what. Real world ceased to exist, he wasn't even in the bunny land. All he could see was the four words on one of the gift cards.

_'You didn't pick up.'_

* * *

**_Okay, first meeting was little.. awkward. And how exactly is Shawn supposed to ignore that anything happened when Lassie won't give him a break and now he got a creepy message?_**

**_In the next chapter there will be more of Henry and Gus and finally Jules. And with little luck, Shawn will be coherent for the most of the time. Or not. With Shawn, you never know._**


	4. Negotiation does not equal blackmail

** _Previously.._**

_„You know who it was." Lassiter said and Shawn looked at him, alarmed. Is he psychic or something? Okay, maybe Shawn's body language wasn't that unreadable as in the normal day, but this was just ridiculous. Since when was he so observant?_

_„No, I don't." Shawn said in the last hope of denial. He looked around and saw some gift cards and gift baskets. He decided to go through them._

_„Cut the crap! I'm not an idiot." _

_„That's debatable." Shawn said, reading one gift card after another._

_„Spencer.." Lassiter said and Shawn was sure he said something else after that, but he had no idea what. Real world ceased to exist, he wasn't even in the bunny land. All he could see was the four words on one of the gift cards._

_'You didn't pick up.'_

* * *

Blues. Bison. Blues. Bison. Blues. Bison. Oh that dreadful rhythm of primal instinct with horrible noises, all those images seared into his brain, forever. And he couldn't look away and he couldn't move. Bison with bunny, bunny with Bison. _How is that even possible? _It shouldn't be possible. It shouldn't be happening. Not even in an imaginary world. Why didn't he let him go? He was innocent. Just a rabbit. Just a rabbit.

Blues. Bison. Blues. Bison. Pineapple. Pineapple. Pineapple. All he could see now was Pineapple. Where was Blues? Where was Bison? Where did they go? He didn't want to be alone. Not with him. But if Blues was here, Pineapple could hurt him. _I don't care. Maybe then he wouldn't hurt me. _What?! He didn't just think that, did he? That was innocent rabbit. He didn't deserve it. _I don't deserve it. _His mind was fighting him, his own mind was fighting him. Or was it just him? Did he really wanted that cute rabbit to be.. _hurt _instead of him? _Better him than me. _Just stop! Why did he think like that? _Why?_

He should be able to save them both. He should have a gun. Yes, he should have a gun. Then he could do something. But wait. _I do have a gun! _He looked at his hands and they were green again, they were furry again and there was gun again. He had rabbit ears again, yes, he was bunny again. He was Jazz! _Shawn-Jazz. No. Too long. Again. Has to be something.. Shazz! Yes. _He could win. Yes, as a Shazz, he could win. He raised the gun and pointed it at Pineapple Head. Pineapple smiled. Why was he smiling? He had gun to his face and he was smiling. He tried to pull the trigger and then he knew why. He couldn't do it. Why? _Why am I so weak? _Pineapple was coming closer, Shazz was just frozen on spot, his finger still on the trigger, unable to pull it. And when Pineapple was just in front of him, he lowered a gun and then.. then suddenly, he was in different spot, just few feet from Pineapple. But certainly better than few inches like before. He looked at his hands and saw he wasn't bunny anymore. Then he looked around and saw Pineapple standing in front of green bunny with gun pointing to the ground. _Jazz? _He didn't understand what was happening. In Bunny Land, he was supposed to be Jazz, no, Shazz, and yet now he wasn't. But he didn't complain. If he wasn't Shazz, then it wasn't happening to him. Yes. It wasn't happening to him. It was happening to Jazz. And he was happy with that. It was terrible, he knew it was, but still.. he was happy. _Anyone but me. _Pineapple leaned and joined his lips with Jazz's. He stood there. Why did he just stand there? Pineapple then whispered to Jazz's ear. '_Game over.' _Shawn heard. _Wait. Why did I hear it? _It was Jazz, not him. It wasn't happening to him. It wasn't. But when Pineapple touched Jazz, he felt it. He felt it on his leg, he felt it higher and higher and higher. And he felt the lips and he felt the breath and he couldn't move.

„Shawn!" He heard voice. He still felt Pineapple's touch, but that voice was calling him. And it was safe voice, he just knew it. He wasn't sure how, but he knew it.

„Shawn, wake up!" voice shouted again. And Pineapple was fading now, Jazz was too, and the last thing he saw in Bunny Land was that desperate look of fear and pain, feelings he knew all too well. He slowly opened his eyes and was attacked by sunlight, so he shut them again.

„Eeh...morning?" he said, and while he used his hand as a shade, he opened his eyes just a tiny bit and waited for them to adjust. When that happened and he fully opened his eyes, he heard that safe voice again.

„Are you with us?" voice said and Shawn looked around. The voice belonged to Gus, but he wasn't the only one in the room. On the other side of his bed was Jules. Shawn smiled at her as wide as he could, but he couldn't fail to notice her concerned expression.

„Sure." Shawn said and.. that was it. Not one of them said another word. Gus with Jules just stood there with concerned looks on their faces. Shawn didn't know what to do with that. And it was pissing him off, all those concerned faces. Like he was some weak injured puppy who needed saving. _I AM weak. I let him.. _Argh, stop, shut up! It was neverending fight between two different trains of thoughts and it was driving him insane. Or maybe he already was insane and he had two separate minds in his head. How could he really know?

„What were you dreaming of?" Gus asked. Apparently he couldn't stand that awkward silence. Thank God.

„Jazz Jackrabbit." _Creepy version. _Shawn looked at his two visitors, both had buffled expressions. Again it was Gus who talked.

„The videogame?"

„Yeah. There was Pineapple."

„In the game?"

„Yep." _More or less._

„What was pineapple doing in Jazz Jackrabbit?" Gus asked, confused.

„Beats me." Shawn said and he knew he wasn't giving them any straight answers. He really wished he could, but he just didn't think he would be able to. Not with all those concerned looks. There were bad enough. He wouldn't handle if there was pity added to the mix.

Shawn looked at Jules and saw her narrowing her eyes. Again, concern was written all over her face. He didn't like it.

„Shawn, it looked like you were having nightmare." she said.

„Close enough." Shawn said and saw their frustrated looks. But he really wasn't ready to elaborate. Much. Jules – thank God – decided to drop the subject. As a detective she surly knew when she wasn't gonna get an answer.

„I brought you something." she said with a smile. Then she put large pineapple into his hands, with red ribbon and all that. He just stared at it and his past was mixing with present and he didn't know which was what, or how to stop it.

Pain. Pain worse than anything he ever felt before, worse than when he had broken bones, when he was shot. It was even worse than first time this happened. Why? Should be better, or not? He knew what to expect, he knew not to fight. And he didn't. Right now, he wasn't fighting. He just looked straight forward. And counted. One pineapple. Two pineapples. Three pineapples. Wasn't too hard. There was pineapple everywhere. And every throb of pain was accompanied with one pineapple. Pain and pineapple shouldn't be together, he knew, but he just had to do something, anything to keep his mind of things. At least a little. So he counted. Pain. Ten pineapples. Pain. Eleven pineapples. Pain. Twelve pineapples. And pain wasn't stopping and he counted. When it stopped he didn't know the real number he got to, because he had to start over several times. But he knew what happened to his body, he knew what He said to him. He said: „I told you you'd like it." And he knew He was right, in the sole matter of his body, He was right and that terrified him. Because if his body found pleasure in it, was it even forced anymore?

„Shawn!" he heard the safe voice. World of pain disappeared and he saw pineapple with ribbon again. Reality wasn't really any better from the world he drifted to. _Where's Bunny Land? _He looked at Gus with Jules, they were looking at him expectantly as they were waiting for something. _For what? _Maybe they wanted something from him. _But what? _Maybe they asked him something. _Yeah, that must be it._

„Sorry, you were saying?" Shawn asked and knew he was right. Gus and Jules exchanged worried glances and then she said:

„I was asking you about the message."

„What message?" Shawn asked.

„The one that got you so terrified. 'You didn't pick up.' What does that mean?"

„Oh, that message. I wasn't terrified." Shawn said, but it was just load of crap and he knew it. Terrified maybe wasn't strong enough, but it was close.

„You passed out." Gus said.

„I was tired."

„Nonsense. You were freaked out." Gus said. _Not helping, buddy. _If there was one person who can never ever ever know the truth, it was Jules. He had to get her off his back, but Gus really wasn't helping, since he was there too.

„I wasn't freaked out." Shawn said with determination.

„Yes, you were."

„No, I wasn't."

„Yes, you were."

„No, I.."

„Shawn!" Gus interrupted him. He almost looked annoyed. He just had to push some more and he would have his old Gus back.

„Okay, okay. Maybe I was little concerned and surprised, that's all. It was probably just some prank."

„Lassie doesn't think so."

„Oh, doesn't he now?" Shawn said staring at the pineapple in his hands. He wasn't paying much of an attention, just enough to stay in reality. And it took lot of energy, considering that _damn pineapple _in his hands. Why did he still hold it? He shouldn't hold it. He knew what he should do with it.

„Neither do I, Shawn." said Jules. She was looking at him with worry. And it was pissing him off. He couldn't stand that look. Anger was boiling inside him.

„Well you weren't here, were you?" he said little harsher than he wanted. Jules looked hurt and.. _guilty? Great. I hurt Jules. Because of that stupid piece of fruit. _And he really thought that that piece of offering with beautiful ribbon was responsible for all of his current misfortune. And he really didn't expect that someone would come to the room straight into his line of fire. So it wasn't his fault. _Wasn't. _But still, when he threw the pineapple at the wall, he missed his father's head just because he had amazing reflexes and ducked. _Oh boy. _

„Oups." was all Shawn could manage.

„Oups?" his father said, barely able to hold his anger at bay.

„Oups." Shawn confirmed.

„That's all you gonna say? You almost kill me and all you say is 'oups'?"

„I think you're exaggerating." Shawn said and he was happy. Maybe he managed almost hit his father with rather big pineapple, but at least for a moment he forget why was his son in hospital bed.

„I'm exaggerating?"

„Yes. I wouldn't have killed you. Maybe mild concussion. Or coma. No big deal."

„No big deal?"

„One little coma hasn't killed anyone yet."

„Actually it has, Shawn." Gus said, unable to stop himself.

„Yeah, not-cool guys."

„Are you saying your father is cool?" Gus asked with raised eyebrows. Shawn looked at his father and saw his eyebrows also raised. He was definitely curious about an answer.

„Definitely not. But he's my father and I am super cool, so that gives us little leeway." Shawn said and grinned, hoping they would really forget what all that fuss was about. But no such luck, because he just _had to _cough. _Stupid lung_. Henry realized he was in the hospital, where his son laid injured and not in the living room of his house where this usually occurred.

„You wanna tell me what just now happened?" Henry asked, pointing at the remains of the pineapple.

„Let me think. Hmmm... No, not really." Shawn said, but when he looked at Jules, his heart sank. She was barely holding back tears. _Because of me? Is it my fault? _Then she noticed he was looking at her and she ran off from the room. _Yep, definitely my fault. _Well, it's always his fault, isn't it? Just like.. _damn it! _He had to concentrate on something else. He didn't want to end up in Bunny Land, Pain Land or Zombie Land. Actually, in any Land for that matter.

„I need the photos." he said.

„What photos?" Gus asked.

„Of crime scene. I was called in to help on a case, afterall."

„Forget about the case, Shawn. Tell us what happened to you." Henry said.

„I can't forget about it! I was hired to solve it." Shawn said, ignoring the second sentence.

On Henry's face appeared devilish smile. _Oh, I won't like this, will I?_

„Karen won't let you anywhere near this case if you won't even make a statement." _Once again, I'm proven right._

„That's blackmail." Shawn said and crossed his arms at his chest.

„That's negotiation." Henry said and Shawn could've swear he saw glint in his eyes. He stared into them. And Henry stared into Shawn's. It was stare contest. But it really wasn't a competition, was it? Because he _needed _to work on this case, _now_, while Henry could wait. This just wasn't fair. And it was blackmail. It was definitely blackmail. He was a cop, he shouldn't be doing that, right?

„You'll end up in hell." Shawn said, but Henry just smiled.

„We're gonna hitch the same ride, kid." he said and Shawn glared at him.

„If I give a statement, you're gonna give me the photos?"

„Yes." Henry confirmed. Now he really has no choice, does he? But he definitely won't talk to his father. No way.

„Call Lassiter."


	5. The truth will not set you free

_**This whole chapter is about Shawn being interrogated by Lassie. So this chapter is their show. Don't expect anyone else from the Gang. Sorry for the delay, but for a long time I was looking for a way for Shawn to be coherent enough to tell the truth and still maintain his half-crazed mind with all Lands that goes with it, mainly the Bunny Land.**_

_**WARNING: MENTIONS OF RAPE AND VIOLENCE**_

* * *

Shawn couldn't believe it. He actually demanded of his father to call Lassie. Why did he do that again? Oh, right, the case. Why was it so important? If he just could sit this one out, he wouldn't have to give a statement. But of course, he couldn't let this case go. Because no case meant no distraction, it would be just him and his mind. And that wouldn't end well. It really wouldn't. Since he woke up in the hospital, his thoughts were so fast and erratic, he was losing himself in non-existing worlds like Bunny Land and he just couldn't stop it. So he thought that maybe if he kept himself busy, he wouldn't go entirely crazy, even if he knew that He is coming back for him. He knew it the moment he saw that note. Unfortunately, there was nothing he could do about it. He hated the power He hold over him. He hated the way he was shaking just from thinking about Him. He hated he became so weak that he didn't not only defended himself, but he was also completely compliant. He obeyed Him in everything. He hated himself for becoming just fragment of man he was when he thought He was dead. But he really couldn't do a thing about it. There was no point. He really was coward. What would his father think?

So now here he was, in hospital, half sitting, half lying, hoping that somehow, anyhow, his mind would just shut up. That's why he had to work that case. There was no escaping his mind. His thoughts were still too fast. And they were so loud, too loud, he just didn't understand why nobody else heard them. He looked over at Lassiter who was calmly sitting on chair next to his bed, notepad and pen in his hands. He was warily looking right at him, as if he wasn't sure how exactly should he behave. But the moment he saw Shawn looking at him, his face hardened and his impenetrable mask appeared again. Shawn knew he should say something. And it should be probably the thing that was bugging him the most.

„How did you know?" he said. Lassiter looked little startled that Shawn finally said something and something to the topic on top of that, but he composed himself quickly.

„What?"

„How did you know?" Shawn repeated.

„How did I know what?" Lassiter asked, trying to sound sheepishly. Shawn glared at him. He definitely wouldn't say it out loud. Lassiter was looking at him with the same innocent look. For a while, they were staring each other down, but then Lassiter gave in. He sighed and said:

„Fine, be it your way. You're not the first rape victim I questioned, Spencer." When he heard that word again, _raped, _he inadvertently flinched. Lassiter waited for a few seconds, studying his face, before he continued. „I know all the signs. But what really gave it away was your refusal to let anyone know about your medical condition. I mean, why would you do that? You were already kidnapped, shot, poisoned, ran off the road and god knows what else before. It couldn't get much worse, could it?"

„Damn." Shawn said with sad smile.

„I am Head Detective for a reason, you know." Lassiter said, smugly thinking that Shawn just acknowledged his investigative skills.

„Oh, it's not that. I was just hoping you managed to obtain some of my gift by simply being around me. Then we could team up. Two psychics solving crime. Psych, squared. I think we could be even superheroes. But of course, then we would have to figure out some costumes. And then to make them. For you, I'd say we'd need party puppy dog ears and about 20 inches of horse hair. Why horse hair, you ask? Well that's because I look at you and I see your tail should be all fluffy and hairy and dog hair are so hard to..."

„Spencer!"

„You don't want horse hair? I could try to get some dog hair. But you will owe me my week supply of jerk chicken." Shawn said, still grinning. Lassiter had to take another set of deep breaths before he could continue.

„Spencer. Stay on the subject. Tell me what happened, starting Friday." Lassiter saw that Shawn was opening his mouth with a strange glint in his eyes, so he quickly said: „And leave out the food."

If Shawn didn't need that case so much, he wouldn't listen to him. He would just find a way to annoy him even more. But he did need that case. Without it he'd definitely go insane. So he sighed, and swallowed any other remarks that were on his mind. _I can do this. If I just detach myself a little._

He took a deep a breath and started talking, like it was just a story which he read in papers.

„Okay. Friday morning, breakfast. When I leave out all the food, there's not much to say. Not on Friday anyway. In the evening,..."

„Wait. Are you saying that all you did on Friday was eating food?"

„More or less. I also slept. I found missing Thundercat. Then I ate again. Then I slept. Then I woke up and it was evening, almost night."

Lassiter just shook his head. „What time was it?" he asked.

„23:18." Shawn said and Lassiter raised his eyebrows at such accuracy.

And Shawn noticed his curious look. „What?" he asked.

„You know the exact time?"

„Yes, I know the exact time." Shawn said and when he saw Lassiter raise his eyebrows again, he explained: „I looked at the clock. And since I have all weekend sort of seered into brain, I remember it." Shawn hoped it would be enough. It wasn't exactly the truth, but right now, all his career life was based on lie, and this was the best he could do. Fortunately, Lassiter left it at that. He just wrote it down into his notepad and continued.

„What did you do then?"

„Went on a night walk."

„Did something happen there?"

„Bizzon Man." Shawn said and Lassiter narrowed his eyes.

„Spencer."

„It's not a joke, Lassie. I don't know his name. I call him Bizzon Man." Shawn said and his mind went back to that sadistic pile of muscle that ambushed him.

Shawn was lying on hard concrete staring into those malicious blue eyes. He saw him grin with sadistic pleasure and then the scenery changed. He was once again few feet away and on the ground it wasn't him, it was Jazz again. Bison was towering over him with that devilish smile he hated so much. Jazz didn't move. He just lay there, unmoving like a statue. And when another figure came into view, he still didn't move. Pineapple Head knelt beside him and gently caressed his cheek. Jazz just stared into his eyes, panic written all over him. Shawn didn't know where, but Jazz collected power to talk, although his voice was shaking. „Y-you're dead." he said and Pineapple just smiled. He roughly took Jazz's chin into his hand and said: „I know. Good thing my death had no effect on my.. _abilities._" Pineapple then lowered His head so it was just inches from Jazz's. For a while He was just looking into his eyes, then He smiled again and slowly lowered His head some more, until their lips touched. Shawn was trembling. _Wait. Why am I trembling? _Because that was Jazz, right? Shawn shouldn't be trembling. Nothing happened to him, it was all Jazz, so why was he trembling? _Why?_

„Spencer?" he heard. Fortunately he wasn't lost in Bunny Land enough to not hear it. So he could come back. Slowly the image of concrete floor, Bison and Pineapple faded and Lassie came into his view again. Shawn sighed with relief, but his delight didn't last for long. When he looked around his hospital room, he saw green rabbit in the corner, with crossed hands and grumpy expression. He looked right at him like if he was saying 'your fault'. Maybe Shawn could just ignore him. Maybe then he would just disappear.

„Sorry. Where were we?" Shawn asked.

„You were telling me about this 'Bisonman'." Lassiter said, piercing his eyes into his.

„No, no." Shawn said, shaking his head.

„No? So you don't want those crime scene photos anymore?"

„What? No! I mean, yes, I want them, but no, that's not what I meant. You're saying it wrong. See, for one, it's not one word. It's Bizzon-Man. Separate. And it's not Bison, it's Bizzzzon."

„Let's skip to the part where you tell me about him, shall we?" Lassiter said with heavy sigh.

„Who will read this?" Shawn asked, pointing at notepad.

„For now, me and Chief Vick."

„My father, Gus, Jules, cops on the station.. they won't know?"

„I don't see why they should. Of course, if it comes to the court, more people will know. But for now, it's just me and the Chief."

„Okay." Shawn said, little calmer. His father will never know. That's something. But still, the Chief will know. What if she decides that he's too weak to take on cases? It was real possibility. On the other hand, if he doesn't tell the truth, he doesn't get this case. And what was worse, Lassie _knew _what the truth should contain. So if he was making a statement, he had to say in one point that he was... well, _that. _

Shawn looked into the corner of the room and saw Jazz. He was still looking at him with the same offended look. Then he stuck out his tongue and turned around, like if he was sulking. _What the hell? _Shawn couldn't take his eyes of him. He had no idea what was happening. Why was Jazz mad at him? What did he do to him? And what was more important, what was he even doing here? He could handle Bunny Land, Zombie Land, Pain Land. But how was he supposed to handle this? He was clearly paying attention to the real world and yet he saw Jazz like if he was real. What to do, when the worlds were blending with each other?

„Spencer!" Lassiter said, raising his voice. _Right, statement. _Maybe he was still in the real world, but that didn't mean it was easy to pay attention. Well, it was hard enough without green rabbit in the room. How could someone expect that he would focus in this situation?

„Sorry. Did you say something?" Shawn said and hated that worried look he saw in the detective's eyes. For a moment, Lassiter was just looking at him, but then he decided he should just continue.

„This 'Bizzon Man', he's the one who..." Lassiter started, but Shawn interrupted him, not wanting to hear it again.

„What? No! He just took me and beat me up."

„Hired gun?"

„I suppose." In fact, he didn't _suppose_. He was sure of it. Because the first time he saw Pineapple, he was alone. And it looked like he was happy with that. But since the last time he 'died', Shawn guessed he didn't want to take any chances. So one Bison, paid on delivery, please.

„So what about the other guy?" Lassiter asked.

„I call him Pineapple Head." Shawn said and Lassiter raised his eyebrows.

„Why?"

„He had funny hair. Let's just move on, shall we? Doesn't matter why, he's Pineapple Head." Shawn said, irritated.

Lassiter narrowed his eyes. „I have a feeling you know him from somewhere." he said and Shawn averted his eyes. Should he tell him? No. He can't tell him the whole truth, but right now, Lassie knows that he's hiding something, so he has to tell him something. Maybe just part of the truth will be enough.

„He's supposed to be dead." Shawn said and looked into Lassiter's eyes again.

„Continue." Lassiter said.

„When I was.. away, out of town I mean, he took someone I knew. I thought he was dead." Shawn said. It was just half of the truth, but that can't hurt, right?

„Your friend or.. what was his name again?" Lassiter asked, sounding totally casual, but it was in his eyes. He was trying to entrap him, to force him to tell the whole truth. But that was simply not gonna happen.

„Nice try. I'm not telling you his name. And both, actually." Shawn said and Lassiter narrowed his eyes. Again. _If he does that one more time, he won't be able to see anything_. For a while, Lassiter was looking with this disconcerting look at Shawn, but then he returned to his normal piercing gaze.

„Who was this friend?" Lassiter asked and Shawn had to chuckle in his mind. _He just won't give up, will he?_

„You think I'm an idiot? Wait, don't answer that. Point is, I'm not telling you." Shawn said and Lassiter sighed. Apparently he wanted to push some more, but he knew better.

„Okay. Bison, bizzon, whoever, attacked you and then what?"

„He beat me up a little and I woke up next day on concrete floor of a warehouse, Pineapple Head was there." Shawn said.

„Do you know what kind of warehouse?"

„Storage of tropical fruits. I wasn't lying before. There were pineapples everywhere." Shawn said and Lassiter sighed. Again. It was getting on his nerves. All these narrowing eyes, worried looks and heavy sighing. Shawn wished he would just stop and act like a tough cold cop again.

„How do you know it was next day?" Lassiter asked.

„For one, it was pretty obvious. It was after eleven when I was ambushed, afterall. And also, Pineapple told me we were going to have funny Saturday together."

„What did he do?" Lassiter asked.

„There was some.. touching." Shawn said, looking into the corner with Jazz, who wasn't sulking anymore. Jazz looked at him expectantly, like if he was telling bed time story. „You know, down there. And that really wasn't fair, you know? That place is reserved for beautiful women who are fond of charming psychics with fabulous hair. It's strictly no no dudes place."

Shawn stopped talking for a moment, not really sure if he was up to this. He didn't say much yet and still his heart rate was increasing. He felt like it was about to burst out of his chest. But Jazz seemed so happy now. He was approvingly nodding his head, gesturing him to continue. When Shawn saw the joy in his eyes, he suddenly had a feeling that he really was telling just some fairy tale. The horror one for sure, but still a fairy tale. And maybe he could do it. For Jazz. _Right. I'm doing this for hallucination. _He was probably completely insane. Well, it had to come eventually, right?

„Do you want a break?" Lassiter asked, concern in his voice. _Not Caring Lassie again._

„No, I can continue. So, touching was one thing. Kissing.. even worse! He had terrible garlic breath, not to mention his severe underbite. Watching it was just painful." Shawn said and looked at Lassiter. He was giving him strange look. Really strange. He had no idea what it meant.

„What?" Shawn asked and Lassiter's cold mask was up again.

„Nothing. Just.. continue." he said.

„Then.. you know." Shawn said, still not quite ready to say it out loud. It was surprising how much vague he was, when he remembered every single detail of that hellish weekend. He remembered even dirt on Bizzon Man's shoes. Mud mixed with white powder. The same powder he got when he was hiding in the pile of gravel. _Construction. _Then why didn't he say something? Why was he so damn evasive, so damn vague, like the worst witness ever? Was he really that weak?

„You need to say it." Lassiter said in soft voice. Trying to sound encouraging, no doubt. But that simply wasn't working. Shawn didn't know if anything at all would work. He wasn't even able to think it, let alone to say it.

„No, I don't. And you know exactly what I mean." Shawn said and Lassiter sighed again. _Seriously, stop. _

„Fine, we'll move on. Did he forced you to orally satisfy him?" _He's calling that 'move on'? _Really, this was just worse and worse. He looked at Jazz, who came closer to bed. He was looking at Shawn with wide, expecting eyes. Rabbit with puppy eyes. He didn't have to say anything and still, Shawn just knew. He wanted him to tell the truth. And it broke his heart, because he knew he just couldn't. Not the whole truth anyway. Because to know the truth inside was one thing, it hurt enough. But to say it out loud? No. No way. He apologetically looked at him and wanted to say sorry, when he realized what he was doing. He wanted to apologize to Jazz Jackrabbit. He wanted to apologize to green rabbit from video game. He was utterly and completely mad.

„Spencer!" Lassiter raised his voice again, to get his attention. For some reason, for Lassiter it was enough. He could just raise his voice and he had Shawn's undivided attention again.

„Sorry. No, not this time." Shawn said, not really thinking about it.

„What do you mean, 'not this time'?" _Crap. _

„Nothing." Shawn tried lamely.

„It wasn't the first time?" Lassiter asked and Shawn kept silent. He was looking around the room, anywhere, just not at Lassiter. And definitely not at Jazz. He couldn't handle those puppy-rabbit eyes. Not now.

„Spencer, just.. tell me. Please." _Did he just say please? _„When did you first meet him?" Lassiter asked, but Shawn was still quiet. Jazz jumped on the bed, so Shawn would have to look at him. And Shawn did. And for the first time in the real world, Jazz talked. „Tell him." he said in faint voice. But Shawn couldn't. He just couldn't. _Guess I am weak._

„You can't keep running away from it." Lassiter said, hoping for some reaction from Shawn.

And this time, he got it. „Sorry, I forgot all about it. And you don't need to know it!"

„I think you remember it just fine."

„He said, she said. Hope you know you are _she _in that sentence." Shawn said, listening to quick beeping indicating his rapid heart beat. It didn't seem possible that heart could beat that fast. Shawn looked at Lassiter again, who was thoughtfully looking at him back. Which wasn't good. It really wasn't. Last time he looked at him that way, he wanted to do a rape kit. So whatever he was thinking about, Shawn won't like it.

„You were taken as well." _And bull's eye again._

„Now, seriously. How do you do that!" Shawn exclaimed.

„Are you jealous of my detective skills?"

„Not at all. With the guide of spirit realm I can do the same and better. But when it's you who's doing it, it's just creepy." Shawn said and his heart rate little dropped. But it was still too fast. Lassiter was opening his mouth again, but was interrupted by opening doors. Rob came in and when he saw heart monitor, he frowned in concern.

„You need to leave." Rob said to Lassiter.

„I'm not done."

„Yes, you are. If you will continue, you'll endanger his recovery. Out." Rob said and Lassiter was killing him with his eyes. But eventually, he gave up.

„Fine, we'll take a break. I need to go to morgue anyway. I'll be back, Spencer." And with that, he left. Shawn exhaled with relief. Rob came closer to check on him.

„You know about all that 'truth will set you free'?" Shawn asked.

„Yes, it's in the Bible." Rob said, not taking his eyes from heart monitor.

„Really? I saw it in _Liar, liar._"

„Mhmm." Rob said, still concentrating on Shawn's vitals.

„Anyway, it's a bold-faced lie. The truth makes everything worse." Shawn said and lay down completely. If Rob said anything, he didn't hear it. He watched Jazz walk away to his corner, disappointment written in his face. Why was Shawn upset about that? Why did he care about hallucination? Why did it matter that rabbit from video game was disappointed in him? Was it about some Freudian crap? His inner hidden fear of fluffy bunnies or something? Nothing just made sense. Shawn wished he could fall asleep and then wake up in the world where everything was okay, where he wasn't weak and mostly, where everything made sense.


End file.
